I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
