They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
