checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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