my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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