Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am mentally ready for anal.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
