she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize