How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
