hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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