Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just high enough for therapy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
