She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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