What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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