hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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