it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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