she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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