Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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