I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
