what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
