i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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