dude i'm inner monologue high
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
