I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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