Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
