just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
