Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
