well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
