Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
