just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
