butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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