i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
