She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My ass is underappreciated
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
