friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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