So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize