i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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