I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
