I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
