She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
