Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
