Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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