my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
