New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
