I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
