Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
