You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
