I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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