i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
