he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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