farters have to be the big spoon...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
