i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
love makes seman taste better
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
