he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
