You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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