just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
