Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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