Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
