His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
