I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize