I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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