I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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