i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize