i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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