Where is the hickey?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Houston, we have a blender
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
