rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
