haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize