he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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