I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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