Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
