I think im going to throw up on grandma
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
