if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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