dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
