i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
