The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
