were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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