I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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