it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
