Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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