If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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