Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
