Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
