singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
