Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will pee on everything he values.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
