We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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