She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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