nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
